OTTAWA – Canada is within the midst of a extreme productivity disaster, warns a report from Canada’s federal authorities, who additionally does jack shit.
“This is a matter that can’t be ignored,” mentioned a spokesperson for Canada’s authorities, which has repeatedly ignored the housing disaster and ballooning price of dwelling for greater than ten years.
The alarming research, which studies that the productiveness of Canadian staff has remained at an all-time low for the previous seven years was authored by the Financial institution of Canada, one of many seemingly numerous organs of a sprawling authorities paperwork that additionally produces little or no of worth.
“We’re taking this concern extraordinarily severely,” added the spokesperson. “That’s why we’re instantly convening an exploratory committee on the tentative formation of a doable steering committee to supervise a particular sub-committee of MPs to review this concern as quickly as they arrive again from a multi-month recess, after which they’ll submit the research to the senate who will do…no matter they do…what do they do once more?” the spokesperson trailed off.
The federal government additionally acknowledged that they had been exploring the thought of hiring a consulting agency, who concentrate on doing nothing, referring the matter to the courts, that are at present backlogged to a standstill because of the federal government doing nothing to nominate judges, or counting on the experience of Canada’s byzantine public service, who regardless of consuming a staggering quantity of capital and human vitality additionally appear to do little or no.
Canada’s personal sector additionally expressed concern. “Canada’s enterprise leaders are shaken,” mentioned one Senior Economist, which isn’t an actual job.
In accordance with one other insider, a lot of Canada’s prime CEOs met privately with senior bureaucrats from the Ministry of Finance to see what may very well be finished to deal with flagging productiveness, however the assembly was unproductive.
“Just about each massive Canadian company is a government-enabled legacy oligopoly who has by no means needed to actually do something to get the place they’re, so that they didn’t have a ton of nice thought starters,” admitted the insider, who requested to stay anonymous. “Any individual did briefly point out the thought of elevating wages, nonetheless that was rapidly dismissed.”
At press time, the Prime Minister himself spoke on the problem. “Like many Canadians, I’m deeply involved about low productiveness,” mentioned a flawlessly-tanned Trudeau.
“Relaxation assured, we’re working tirelessly to determine whose accountability it’s to determine massive systemic points that apply to all of society. As soon as we determine that out, we’ll instantly ship an email about it as quickly as we finalize the brand new federal pointers for .gc.ca electronic mail signatures to make sure correct bi-lingual steadiness, accessibility, and anti-oppressive typographic design.”
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